Calculus. A swear word in my vocabulary.
I am on track to graduate on December 14. All I have to do is pass my last two on campus classes before that lovely date. Easy as pie. Oh, and I also have to complete my calculus independent study course by November 5th. Why did I take calculus through independent study? And why did I sign up for it only 8 weeks ago? Because I'm a cocky little girl who thinks calculus will come as easily to her as other math subjects. I've been pretty good at math my whole life. Except calculus isn't math. It's a jumbled mess someone invented to torture students who are trying so desperately to graduate.
Here I am: 10 weeks to complete a calculus course of 40 assignments and 5 exams at my own pace without a professor. I really can be a little dumb... Why didn't I just sign up for the class on campus?
Each day, I find my panic attacks becoming stronger and stronger. Poor Sean has to hear me cry about how calculus is going to ruin my life. Each day, I count down the days until I have to be finished. There isn't enough time to do it all and keep myself sane.
Today, I thought to myself, "What if I slowed down a bit, and finished by the end of December? I 'technically' wouldn't graduate until April 2013, but it wouldn't cost anymore tuition, and I wouldn't have to do anything after December. I'd be done with school, it just wouldn't process through BYU as me graduating until next April. I'd get my diploma a few months later than planned. Big deal." I felt the biggest sense of relief I've experienced in a while.
I feel the ulcers in my stomach going away, and my head suddenly doesn't feel what I call a "calculus headache".
The only problem: instead of being done with that terrible class on November 5th, I'm going to have it in my life for 2 extra months....
I don't know what's worse. 2 more weeks of calculus taking over my life (6 hours a day-including weekends), or 2 more months of not so intense calculus. What would you choose?
On the upside, I found this quote on another fellow blogger's blog. It gave me a little slap in the face and made me feel grateful for my life. I should be happy that I have an opportunity to learn calculus. I should be grateful that when I feel things starting to fall apart, I have a husband who makes me laugh and reminds me how incredibly wonderful my life is.